Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
