And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
