I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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