ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
