My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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