you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
