i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
