quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are the jesus of drinking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
