Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
