Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
