And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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