I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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