You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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