Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
