Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
