Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
