I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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