Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
