I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
