It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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