kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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