My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
