my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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