Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
