he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
