i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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