why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
