But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
