Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
