Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
