Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
