I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
