i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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