This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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