I wish I only lived at night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
