I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
