every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
