Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we should paint friendship bongs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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