I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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