pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
