I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
