Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
