So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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