I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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