I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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