He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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