You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
