I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
