a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
