tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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